I had been placing much on the erroneous assumption that we are the same and thus the future you have of contentment and family would one day also be my own even if it would be awkward and uncomfortable to reach that point.
With new information to work with I have been re-evaluating.
I assure you, there is much in my future you would be better off avoiding, and much of the happiness I've found has been contingent on the strange rules of places like this, and the simulation before it. That you're not necessarily bound to my fate is a more positive outcome than you can imagine.
That said, regardless of anything else or any differences between us that may exist, I have no doubt the Angeal and Genesis of your world will find you. They sought me out intentionally, and they will do the same to you, even if the circumstances in which such things happen differ. They are far too stubborn to be derailed by such small setbacks. So if meeting them informs part of your hopes for your own future, you don't need to give those hopes up.
We are on different planets. They will not find me.
And I imagine they may well be derailed by facing a dragon, were they on the same planet. SOLDIER is taught thoroughly what to do about monsters.
[It had been important to him to believe that bright ending was waiting for him. And now having to rely on some sad, minuscule hope that two specific people might just happen to appear on a completely different planet, and events still unfold the same way..
Sephiroth didn't dare allow himself many dreams. It's too unpleasant when he's forced by reality to give them up. What once had been incomprehensibly strange but at least a positive to anticipate was now so much ash.
He'll pull himself together. He always has. It's just a lot of disappointment piling up.]
In light of the differences between us, any further questions I may have asked are irrelevant. A sibling still, but we are not the same. I would have preferred it if we were.
I didn't remain in the simulation forever. It is entirely possible we won't be here forever, either. Likewise, there is no reason to think that, if you return home, the dragon - and the changes it's wrought on you - will go with you. There are many possibilities still for you to meet your own Angeal and Genesis, whether or not it happens exactly as it did for me.
But...I'm sorry if believing we were the same gave you comfort that you no longer have. I believed it as well. But the thought gave me more dread than happiness. I've endured much that I would never wish you to go through, and the thought that you might be inescapably doomed to suffer the same events I have was deeply distressing. That there is possibility for deviance between our timelines gives me hope I didn't have before.
Still, I would rather it not have come at the expense of something that comforted you.
I must wonder truly at what differences there are in our lives and upbringing that you might seriously suggest I base my plans for the future on nothing but wishful thinking.
But it is good that it has brought you some level of ease for your worries. And that I finally have an explanation for why our scales are a different color!
I will be fine. I apologize for troubling you so needlessly over such petty things.
I expect you wish to withdraw to be alone to deal with your pain. May I suggest you not do so, and accept company instead? We don't need to talk if you don't wish to.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2024-12-04 11:35 pm (UTC)Are you all right?
no subject
Date: 2024-12-04 11:44 pm (UTC)Yes.
[Nope.]
I was merely distracted. I apologize.
I had been placing much on the erroneous assumption that we are the same and thus the future you have of contentment and family would one day also be my own even if it would be awkward and uncomfortable to reach that point.
With new information to work with I have been re-evaluating.
no subject
Date: 2024-12-05 01:44 am (UTC)That said, regardless of anything else or any differences between us that may exist, I have no doubt the Angeal and Genesis of your world will find you. They sought me out intentionally, and they will do the same to you, even if the circumstances in which such things happen differ. They are far too stubborn to be derailed by such small setbacks. So if meeting them informs part of your hopes for your own future, you don't need to give those hopes up.
no subject
Date: 2024-12-05 01:56 am (UTC)And I imagine they may well be derailed by facing a dragon, were they on the same planet. SOLDIER is taught thoroughly what to do about monsters.
[It had been important to him to believe that bright ending was waiting for him. And now having to rely on some sad, minuscule hope that two specific people might just happen to appear on a completely different planet, and events still unfold the same way..
Sephiroth didn't dare allow himself many dreams. It's too unpleasant when he's forced by reality to give them up. What once had been incomprehensibly strange but at least a positive to anticipate was now so much ash.
He'll pull himself together. He always has. It's just a lot of disappointment piling up.]
In light of the differences between us, any further questions I may have asked are irrelevant. A sibling still, but we are not the same. I would have preferred it if we were.
no subject
Date: 2024-12-05 02:01 am (UTC)But...I'm sorry if believing we were the same gave you comfort that you no longer have. I believed it as well. But the thought gave me more dread than happiness. I've endured much that I would never wish you to go through, and the thought that you might be inescapably doomed to suffer the same events I have was deeply distressing. That there is possibility for deviance between our timelines gives me hope I didn't have before.
Still, I would rather it not have come at the expense of something that comforted you.
no subject
Date: 2024-12-05 02:12 am (UTC)But it is good that it has brought you some level of ease for your worries. And that I finally have an explanation for why our scales are a different color!
I will be fine. I apologize for troubling you so needlessly over such petty things.
no subject
Date: 2024-12-05 02:14 am (UTC)I expect you wish to withdraw to be alone to deal with your pain. May I suggest you not do so, and accept company instead? We don't need to talk if you don't wish to.
no subject
Date: 2024-12-05 02:31 am (UTC)I believe I have embarrassed myself enough for one day. But thank you for the offer.
no subject
Date: 2024-12-05 02:34 am (UTC)